When we hear about abusive relationships we soon think of physical assault. But that this is not the only sign that the relationship is totally harmful. In many of the cases, in fact, there is no physical violence, but there is obviously moral/ mental violence.
Blackmail, humiliation, disqualification, rejection, abuse of power, demerit, that is, the practice of any action that makes a woman feel mistreated or embarrassed characterizes itself as moral violence. Learn how to recognize the main signs of moral and / or physical violence and check out the guidelines to get rid of an abusive relationship as soon as possible.
Signs of an abusive relationship
Abusive relationships are more common than you can imagine. The problem is that many women do not perceive or “pretend they do not realize” that the relationship is harmful, either because they still like the partner, or because they are afraid to end.
Recognizing the situation is the first step to getting rid of an abusive relationship, so watch out for the main signs:
1. He is very jealous
No, excessive jealousy is not a “sign of love.” Your partner thinks you should not talk to other people; “Makes ugly face” whenever you see you interacting with someone; Do you think that everywhere there is someone looking or “giving up on you” ?!
Know that this is not normal and, much less, a sign that he / she loves you. Unfortunately, it is much more associated with the fact that you think you are “owned” by it.
2. It makes you feel that you do not understand certain subjects
Even if he does not say openly, do you realize that your partner thinks you do not understand certain issues?
This can happen in both the conversation and when you are among friends. Many times, incidentally, subtly. In other cases, this can be said directly / disrespectfully, for example, in a group conversation, when your boyfriend or husband says, “Do not meddle, woman does not understand by car.”
3. He tells you that you are crazy and / or make drama
Phrases of this type demonstrate the partner’s desire to demean you, make you suspicious of your own sanity, and / or simply the desire to cut off a conversation that, at that time, is not interesting to him / her.
4. He wants to control his life and choices
Does your partner want to know all the details of what you did in the service? Try to determine what you will or will not do in relation to work or studies? Do you think about the type of clothes you “can or can not wear”? Control the money and determine what you can spend?
Wanting to control all the details of a partner’s life is a classic behavior within an abusive relationship.
For any action or decision of the woman clearly demonstrate the intent to control. “This is also evident when the woman ceases to feel deserving of privacy; when he thinks he will have to give satisfaction all the time, “he says.
Some partners, by the way, control their partners through the cell phone. I’ve heard some women say that before leaving home to work, they had to show their underwear to their partner; while others had their bodies undergo a visual analysis by their partners for brands.
5. He makes jokes about you in front of friends
If your partner makes specific jokes about you or about women in general, to “get the attention of friends,” recognize that this attitude is totally disrespectful (in addition to being childish).
6. He does not respect when you say you do not want sex
You’re not in the mood for sex, but he insists? Or worse, you always give in because you’re afraid of displeasing him / her?
Have you heard your boyfriend or husband saying that “woman who does not give assistance opens competition”? Make no mistake, these are classic signs of an abusive relationship.
7. Sometimes he (she) holds you tight or yells at you
Physical aggression is not just the act of beating. There is no joke that hurts. “It hurt, it was not a joke, it was aggression.
Often situations like this are accompanied by speeches in which the partner tries to make you feel guilty for what happened: “Sorry, I did not mean to, I did not want to be aggressive, you made me lose my mind “.
8. He tries to make you feel guilty for having started a discussion.
If any discussion becomes a discussion and your partner claims that “it was you who started,” this makes it clear that he does not want to follow the matter and does not open the dialogue between the couple.
9. He says that no one will love you / accept you.
“Fat like that, do you think anyone will want you but me ?!” “You do not know how to do anything, who else will accept that?” “You’re stupid, you have to stay at home being held by me.”
Offenses, both physical and psychological aspects, are typical in an abusive relationship and show a desire to diminish the partner and make her believe that no matter how bad the relationship is, “she does not deserves nothing better than that. ”
10. He threatens to leave you.
“If you continue with this subject, I’m leaving”; “I can not take these charges anymore, I’m going to finish with you”; “If you accept this job because you do not love me” are just a few examples of blackmail and threats that should not be admitted into a relationship.
11. He is not happy with his achievements.
Have you ever noticed that your partner is not happy when you arrive happy when you get a new job or a job promotion, when you enroll in a new course and / or have a personal fulfillment?
This type of attitude demonstrates that he does not respect his individuality, does not like to see you “doing it on his own”, that he understands that his achievements should be only those related to him / her.
12. He does not like you to leave without him.
Believe that you do not have to go out with your friends, that you do not have to be friends with the work people, that only the relation with him (a) suffices.
And this should not be defined simply as jealousy, as it is much more related to a sense of ownership, of control.
In this context, there is often a fear that other people in your life will alert you to the fact that you are in a sick relationship. So he (it) desires so much that you continue living only “in the world of yours”.
13. He says that “in the strife of husband and wife no one chooses”
Has your partner ever said this several times, both regarding your relationship and that of others? More typical behavior within an abusive marriage / dating .
14. He is aggressive by knocking on doors or throwing objects
Although he has never beaten you, you notice that he changes drastically in the middle of a discussion and has aggressive attitudes, like hitting or kicking doors, throwing objects, etc.
15. He (or has) assaulted you (or already assaulted you)
It seems a bit obvious, but it’s always good to stress: physical aggression is the biggest representation of an abusive relationship. It is that moment that requires a rapid, definitive decision-making.
Just stop to think: what might come after that? If he has already assaulted you once, you have a good chance of doing it again; and aggression can move to a more advanced stage. Make sure you “have waited too long”, get away from this relationship as soon as possible.
16. He promises that he will no longer assault you.
Very common in abusive relationships, after the aggression, the partner shows repentance, promise to change, give gifts, talk how much you love, etc. And it is at this moment that many women give up denouncing and / or ending the relationship.
17. You think you need it to live “financially well”
In some cases the woman lives as if she were in a “golden cage,” “trapped, but surrounded by new cars, jewels and a social life on the facade.” This too, says the psychologist, is characterized as an abusive relationship.
Do not let your partner say and / or ever think you need it to live financially well. Know that you have competence to build and live your own life, without having to exhibit a “facade marriage” and / or an “expensive lifestyle.”
18. You are simply afraid to end
When a woman is afraid to end a relationship, do not hesitate: she is abusive.
19. He is totally disrespectful to women
If you have ever noticed that your boyfriend, boyfriend or husband is disrespectful to women in general (for example, with your own mother, sisters, etc.), do not expect him to be respectful to you. Do not believe that he “changes overnight,” or that “it’s going to be totally different because he loves you.”
If you have identified with one or several signs of an abusive relationship, start thinking as soon as possible about how to get rid of it. Do not wait for the situation to get worse.
How to get out of an abusive relationship
Remember that you live in a country where women have their rights acquired. Count on the help of people you trust. And if that help is not enough, find the woman’s station.
In this context, some steps are very important in getting out of an abusive relationship:
- Acknowledge: The first step, without doubt, is to recognize / accept. No, this is not normal; you do not need a relationship like that, and most importantly you MUST NOT accept it.
- Talk to someone you trust: Talk, for example, to a friend you trust or your psychologist / therapist. By externalizing the problem, it will be easier to accept it and think of measures that should be taken.
- Look for help: in addition to talking to someone you trust, you can call 180 (Women’s Assistance Center) or find a Women’s Police Station.
- Be cautious: depending on the situation, it may not be good for your partner to notice that you want to end the relationship. Take appropriate action, but avoid saying that you “will leave it.” Acting is much more important than “threatening.”
- Strengthen Your Self- Esteem: Be Sure To Get Rid Of An Abusive Relationship. Do not take seriously the offenses that your partner said. Focus on your qualities and remember that you have people around you who love and support you. Defects everyone has, however, no defect can be justification for a person thinking “that does not deserve something better”.
- End the relationship: guidance could not be otherwise. An abusive relationship should not be maintained. And this, of course, is the most difficult step, but it is also the most liberating.
Lastly, do not blame yourself for “one day having entered into an abusive relationship.” It is not your fault. Just think about what you should do from now on.
Be cautious, but be especially determined. Love yourself, cherish your life and lean on those who love you and want your good.