In a marriage in crisis, communication ceases, fights are frequent, or parenting becomes an issue.
Even in this situation, many couples still resist seeking help.
The intervention of a psychologist can help expose the outbursts and identify where the core of disagreements is through couple therapy, which is mediated by a psychologist.
It is in the crisis that many marriages come to an end. And the common causes are usually: betrayal, lack of respect, lack of sexual interest, and conflicts. What happens is that many times the problems have already been internalized.
- What is Couples Therapy?
- How does couples therapy work?
- Who is couples therapy for?
- Main reasons for couples therapy?
- When to seek couples therapy?
In addition to bringing suffering to those who feel oppressed by the relationship, these internalized problems trigger negative processes that can become severe psychological disorders.
But a crisis does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship.
Seeking help not only saves the marriage but can even bring health and quality of life to each individual committed to the relationship.
What is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy promotes conflict resolution in a welcoming way and in a protected environment. It is mediated by a psychologist who can intervene when there are excesses.
In couple therapy, it is possible to expose impasses, pains, and situations that hurt each of the parties.
The psychologist will direct the conversation along a path in which conflicts can be elucidated. In addition to dialogue and problem-solving, the psychologist can suggest ways to resolve these issues.
How does couples therapy work?
The therapist will promote empowerment and favor autonomy so that the couple can reach healthy agreements, capable of modifying the relationship and returning each partner.
Thus, it becomes easier for the couple to understand each other. More peacefully, both are invited to understand what happens to the other without accusations or offenses that could aggravate the situation.
In some cases, the service may be individual.
Ideally, both should take responsibility for the relationship or understand how they can manage a separation, easing pain and preventing children from getting involved in a negative way in this process.
Who is couples therapy for?
Couples therapy is recommended both for couples who are facing a crisis, be it a long-lasting crisis or a recent one, as well as for couples who simply want to improve the level of their relationship even further.
It is not necessary for the members of the couple to be actually married to start couples therapy.
It is very common for couples to undergo couple therapy before marriage or even while they are simply dating.
Couples therapy is common for both homosexual and heterosexual couples. Anyway, for all types of couples and situations.
Therapy will elucidate these behavior patterns, and offer means for a healthier coexistence for the couple.
What are the main reasons for couples therapy?
The reasons that lead to couples therapy are very varied.
From severe crises to even improving self-awareness (also known as preventive therapy), couples therapy is beneficial.
But the most common reasons that lead couples to the office are:
- Recurring conflicts, for different reasons or not;
- Birth of children ;
- Alcoholism and substance abuse problems;
- Finance administration ;
- sexual problems;
- Differing goals;
- Problems of extramarital affairs.
These are the most common reasons, but there are many more. The very wear and tear and monotony of a relationship’s routine can be a reason that partners take couples therapy.
The most important thing is the awareness that the relationship needs to improve and the search for a solution.
When to seek couples therapy?
The search for couples therapy has been growing a lot. Seeking outside help does not always mean that couple therapy is valid only and exclusively for extreme cases of violence, separation, or psychological crises.
Psychologists claim that therapies for couples go far beyond these cases, including maintaining the relationship’s health.
But the main question is: what is the best time for a couple to see a therapist?
In theory, when the relationship is “okay,” and the partners are in a healthy relationship, there seems to be no need to seek therapy.
However, each person has behavioral patterns and a history of relationships that often express different behaviors or raise questions when presented.
Our paths are built by decisions taken, and such judgments, mistakes and successes end up causing substantial accumulations in the subjectivity of the person.
This is precisely where therapy can come in. The traces that accumulate from past experiences influence the individual’s life unconsciously in most cases.
These mechanisms sometimes make it impossible for you to direct emotional processes, unleash traumas, or even face new paths.
The past in the present
Realizing how important previous relationships were to organize an idea on how to proceed and understanding the current relationship is one of the most important keys to the well-being of the couple.
First, it is more complex to determine common patterns of behavior by taking into account issues of individual and subjective origin.
However, the results of clinical cases generally follow some type of reference.
It is a fact that today’s relationships go through true myths of what is ideal or what is acceptable and unacceptable. These myths feed the definitions of relationships that end up fitting these pre-established prototypes.
And when the couple realizes that, while hoping to reach the level of perfection or desire for a relationship, the projects fall to the ground.
The idea of “eternal love” has been and continues to be propagated endlessly. The barrier that separates the myth from the real is complex and full of pitfalls. In this case, therapy will be one of the possible solutions to resolve confusion and misunderstandings.
The couple’s obligation to become “ideal” for themselves and others has repercussions on the idea of not knowing how to deal with problems that cannot be foreseen, which consequently generates insecurity, fear and, in the worst case, undue charge.
Looking for Couples Therapy
Usually, couples look for a psychologist when things are already in their most problematic sense. Communication between the couple no longer supports the path of tolerance and understanding.
Unfortunately, the lack of knowledge about therapy makes couples avoid looking for it, even when they do not go through crises.
The therapist will provide the couple with the necessary tools to unearth what is obscured in each partner’s performances and behaviors. It will help create clarity in processes that the couple is not realizing.
All couples go through bad and good times; this is a fact. Knowing how to deal with critical situations is what most people want.
Couples therapy works as long as both realize that it is worth asking what is actually right and wrong in the relationship.
Adding these expectations with the psychologist, it is possible to obtain a great improvement in the relationship and quality of life.
Having overcome this stage of self-knowledge, the next step is taken by achieving harmony and clarity in communication: before love, respect and affinity are more than relevant.
Knowing how to discern the ideal moment of therapy means realizing their ideals themselves. Couples therapy always seeks active participation in its various levels in partners.
The professional will identify these ballasts, points of convergence and divergence, and storage of internal and external conflicts so that the desired changes are finally processed.
Some aspects of the changes
Couples therapy undoubtedly promotes a better quality of life, balancing all the particularities that exist in the couple.
The psychologist’s goal works as an intermediary for assertive dialogue, thus opening a much broader field of vision. Check out the main changes promoted by couple therapy.